Sunday, May 04, 2008

i can haz hrmnz? plz?

O hai! Sorry it's been so long between posts, but I've been busy losing my fucking mind! For reals!

As you may know, just over three years ago, I had surgery to remove some of my ladyparts. Specifically the part that houses the unborn, should there be unborn to house. Two pregnancies and some other complications left me with a lot of problems in the nether regions, so it was determined this was the best course of action to relieve some pretty debilitating symptoms.

Okay, so if you thought that part was an overshare? You might want to stop reading now. I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, the rest of the bits were left intact, leaving me (according to my gyn) with normal function (whatever that is). Basically? It means that while I wasn't plunged straight into menopause (yay!) it became a lot more difficult to keep track of certain hormonal things that happen on a regular basis (boo!). As my husband so brilliantly put it: "same sentence, no punctuation." So for awhile, I did my best to keep tabs on things, and I pretty much was able to for that first year. "Wow, why am I so crabby and wanting to mainline salt and vinegar chips and Mars bars simultaneously?" Ah. *count count count* Okay. Makes sense now."

After the first year, things began to get a bit hazy and I just kind of had to roll with whatever the hormones threw at me. And it seemed to work out ok, I've managed to live a normal life, with the occasional normal monthly cravings, bloating and other normal stuff. Normal normal!
Over the past few months though, I've noticed that some of my normal symptoms have gone off the charts. And! There are new symptoms that have added themselves to the party! Is it hot in here, or is it just me?! Not to mention that this craziness happens more often than just once a month! What is up with this shit?? So, as is my style, I did a bit of research.

And, you probably already guessed it blogfriends. e-L learned that she is officially on the downward spiral to menopause hell. The official term is perimenopause, apparently. How quaint. At first I didn't believe it. Pshaw I said! This cannot be. I am only 41. I deluded myself for about 2 weeks. And then? Then, I had some kind of crazy raging hormonal frenzy fest that included actual throwing of oven mitts, stomping upstairs like an irate toddler, culminating in full-on face down on the bed sobbing and full body shaking that I just could not stop. Good times.

Apparently denial wasn't working for me.

I think the worst thing about this is the lack of control. I'm a fairly even-tempered person, by nature, and it usually takes a lot to get me riled up. And, even when I do lose my shit, I can almost always talk myself down from the ledge. With this stuff though, I don't know. It's just different. It's probably something I can learn to live with - I guess I have no choice. And from what I've read there are some good strategies to help deal with symptoms, but man. What a drag it is getting old. And boy howdy does it make me feel old. If lack of control is the worst part of this ordeal, the whole getting old part is a close second. Nothing like learning you're slipping into menopause to make you feel like a dried up shell of a woman.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm still vibrant! And sensational, even! And if I can keep a sense of humour about all this, I think I'll make out just fine. I can even think of myself as a trailblazer for all my friends - a pioneer, as it were. See? Just thinking about all the good I can do to help others makes me feel better already!

And if that doesn't work out? What's that federal department the US has - Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms? I'm gonna go party with those dudes.

1 comment:

Librarian Girl said...

Is there such a thing as peri-perimenopause? Because that's me.

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