Friday, November 03, 2006

bless me one time

I'm a multiple sneezer. I always have been, and probably always will. If I'm going to sneeze, I'm damn well gonna do it up right. That's right, if a sneeze manifests itself, it's going to be followed by another and probably another, and well, let's be honest, maybe a dozen...or more. It's just the way I am, and I know there are lots of others out there like me, I've even met a couple. If you're a multiple sneezer like me, you know you're considered a freak. Even people who KNOW that I do the uber-sneezing still manage to look at me like I'm a freak. It's just life as one of us, right?

The thing with people who are not multiple sneezers is that they somehow feel the need to share with you how MUCH of a freak you are. As in I get a lot of: "wow, aren't you done yet?" "are you ok??" "awwww you sound like a cat when you sneeze!" Or my least favourite: "blessyoublessyoublessyoublessyou". Or, the laughing, so much laughing: "ohmygosh *laugh laugh* what's happening to you *laugh laugh*?" You know what? I've heard it ALL before. Now with people I know, friends and the like, I can deal. I guess it is kind of strange when I go into a sneezing fit, and I can laugh along, then tell them to shut up, cos hey, they're my friends right? And no doubt they have little quirks that I can good-naturedly tease them about down the road, so it's ok.

It's the strangers that truly need a right choking. Case in point. I'm in the grocery store last week and the sneezes come on in full force. Probably like 20 or more in 15 seconds. Even for me, quite an accomplishment.

shopper #1: OMG are you ok?

me: oh yeah, fine

shopper #2 blessyoublessyoublessyoublessyoublessyou ad nauseum

me: *shooting her death looks through my sneezes*

shopper #1: allergies? or a cold maybe?

me: oh, who knows *pushing my cart faster now to get away*

shopper #1: wow, well maybe there's something in HERE that you're allergic to *pointing to a bin of squash*

shopper #2: it's a bad time for allergies, are you sure you're ok?

me: *running now with my cart*

shopper #1: take care of that cold!

shopper #2: bless you! again!

WTF? Now, who in their right mind spends that much time analyzing a stranger's sneezing? The only people I know who ever get that much unwanted attention and advice are pregnant women and women with brand new babies. Having been both of those twice, I have no desire to ever get spoken to by anyone in a public place ever again, and now it's the sneezing that's bringing all the crazies to the yard? Thanks but no thanks. I know for most people, they think they're being witty and original. But, as I said before, I've heard it all.

Oh, and the infernal nonstop blessyoublessyou? That has got to stop, people. Please make it a resolution. The freaky multiple sneezers of the world thank you.


Teacher Anonymous said...

As another multiple sneezer (who happened to run across your blog via the NaBloPoMo! Randomizer), I salute you. High time someone put their foot down. I've been working at the same place for ages and everyone still gets all in a tizzy when I sneeze. At least they've calmed down a bit, and only get excited when it's over 3 or 4, but still, they should know by now.

lara said...

hi, i found you through the randomizer also. one of my close friends is a multiple sneezer (and odd numbers only, if you can imagine - 5 or 7 or even 9, but never 6 or 8), so i know a bit about what you mean. i decided long ago that when she sneezes, i would just wait patiently until she finished, then say, "bless you" to cover the whole bunch. i do admit that occasionally i still giggle at her a bit, though. that's not too awful, right?

kerewin said...

If it makes you feel better, I have basically the opposite problem. When I sneeze, it is very light and about 3 times, sometimes 4. Whenever I finish sneezing, people look at me and laugh and say, "omg! your sneeze is SO CUTE! Do you do that on purpose?"

As if I could control such a thing.

(My sister is a multiple sneezer, though. I worry about when she is driving.)

Anonymous said...

My daughter and I are multiple sneezers, and I'm wondering who the hell isn't? I guess I don't know anyone who can just sneeze once and be done with it. She does this little high-pitched sneeze, while mine's a great hurricane of a sneeze that can be heard across a roomful of office cubes... But the thing is, my daughter gets annoyed if I don't say "Bless you!" after every sneeze! I'd be delighted to wait until she's done and say it once to cover the whole episode.

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