Friday, March 24, 2006

oh. the guilt.

So - I have this plant in my office - I inherited it, it's not mine. I have a feeling it's lived in that very office, in the same pot, since the building went up decades ago. It's a schefflera. It's not rocket science to look after these babies. And yet mine is dead. Well, not quite dead, but it's rather ill. And yes, I water it. And no, it doesn't get a lot of light but, well, that's the fate of the office plant. And up until a week or so ago it was fine. So now, on a regular basis, people walk past my office and say things like "hey your plant is dead" or "wow, what did you do to it?" or "elizabeth, your plant is not looking good". Really? Wow. Hadn't noticed. Come ON people. It's sad, I do hate to see plants die - especially when I'm somehow responsible for them - but frankly, I don't care too much for this plant and yet I still have guilt. So much guilt that I feel the need to express how much I tried to save it to anyone who'll listen. "oh gosh I watered it, I just don't know what happened!" "Yeah, I know, I really tried to aerate the soil and everything!" Um. WHY THE HELL DO I CARE?! It's the mother-guilt thing, manifested in plant care, and it's stressing me out. So I've taken a new tactic, one that will no doubt raise some eyebrows. Oh yes. I've decided to tell people that...I killed it...outright...yes, I hated that plant with all my being and I did away with it...it will, of course, have to look like an accident...can I count on you to help me move the body?...you can't tell anyone of course... Maybe then they'll ALL just leave me alone.

So on the way out at lunch today listening to the nooner on the Edge (they were having a threesome nooner, but I'll ignore that for now) I heard the strangest song ever. Okay, maybe not *ever* - but it was weird - Limp Bizkit & Everlast covering Faith by George Michael - with - uh - some of David Bowie's Fame mixed in. Can I get a wtf from y'all?? And this song is old - why have I not heard it before? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. *shudders* I did get to hear Feel It by Jakalope, which made up for the Faith weirdness - sort of. Loving Jakalope.

Also, in the loving frame of mind is this story about the demise of that oh-so-annoying couple on the Canadian Tire ads. Oh yeah, didn't we all hate them?? Ted and Gloria - who even knew they had names? And who cared? I mean if they were your neighbours, wouldn't you have come up with names of your own for them anyway? Or maybe you did! If so, I'd love to hear them... And if you're interested, the Royal Canadian Air Farce has some good impressions of them - complete with Luba Goy WAY too focused on the word "tool"...heh...

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