Monday, October 31, 2005

be still my heart!

Oh I'm just so excited to learn that two of my favourite bloggers are going to be at the OLA Superconference in February!! Michael from Tame the Web and Jenny, the Shifted Librarian. Wow. I hope to go, but I'm not sure I'll get the green light - I mean so much of Superconference is SO not geared to special/corporate libraries, so I don't know that work would pay. I'd gladly pay my own way (conference geek for sure) but it's at the beginning of February, just as the Christmas bills start coming in at full force. But who knows -even a day would be good. And in case anyone is wondering "who the heck would pay to see a blogger??" bite your collective tongues, and please check out the blogs of these people - they write. And by write, I mean they actually write *content* on their blogs; it's not just daily ramblings, pity parties and froth - these people - and the other bloggers like them - are the ORIGINAL bloggers, and they're using their power for good and not for evil (or stupidity). I don't include myself in their midst, of course - my blog (if you've read this far you'll realize) is mostly personal, observational and humorous (well I think it is) but I also like to think a reader might actually learn something. I like to teach, to educate - not formally, but by osmosis, by exposure, to interesting stuff. When I read some of the blogs out there, I can (almost) see Michael Gorman's point about the blog people. But please DO NOT equate the rubbish blogs with the ones that provide amazing insight and intelligence.

Just a little soapboxing for a Hallowe'en night.... ;)

Sunday, October 30, 2005

metal queen...

I should be writing up my assignment for this week's class - I'm taking Physical Chemistry & Metals Extraction (for my new job - it's beyond confusing) - but I'm not. I'm not going to class tomorrow night, as I must escort a small skeleton and a ninja around the town for trick-or-treating. So the assignment is done thanks to my oh-so-smart husband who has helped me IMMENSELY - hasn't done the assignments for me, I hasten to add, he's just helped me understand the stuff. Not entirely - I'm still probably going to draw several blanks and have a panic attack at the midterm, but I'm hoping that some of it will have sunk in at least.

Caught most of a fantastic concert on the radio yesterday, from Convocation Hall at the U of T - Damien Rice, and you can check out his website for more info and samples of his music. I thought he was incredible. Really soulful voice, almost haunting. Gorgeous lyrics, and just a beautiful sound. Reminds me a bit of someone I can't actually place. Which is probably a good thing, as I am never on the money when it comes to artist comparisons - where people will actually say to me "you're kidding, you think HE sounds like HIM??" But I can't help it, I associate. And if I'm wrong, what of it? It's just my interpretation, and like most art the beauty lies in the interpretation does it not? Always my beef with English class in highschool - "how do YOU know that's what Yeats meant? And just because I get something different out of it, why is it wrong?" Oh that just takes me back lol, and don't I wish I had been that bold when I needed to??

shout out to the mamas!

Two of my friends are pregnant. I'm so excited for both - for one, this will be her 3rd child (I can't even comprehend, lol, but I am very impressed) and for my other friend this will be her 2nd. Of the two I am most concerned for the latter. She is the most wonderful woman and she deserves every happiness, and yet pregnancy has always been so incredibly difficult for her from the beginning. I don't pretend to understand fertility or lack thereof, and she's not always forthcoming with information, which is of course her prerogative. She can tell me as much or as little as she wants, as she needs. She is my friend, and my role in all of this is to be available for her when I'm needed. I can't imagine the heartache, having never experienced either difficulty in becoming pregnant, or any sort of loss during pregnancy. What I want to do is protect her, I think that's my nature. I want her to be safe, I want her baby to be safe. I hold my breath even as I write this, not wanting my words to somehow shake the order of things, as if merely talking about it can make a difference. I will let my breath go only when I am beside her in the hospital next spring holding her brand new, hours old babe. All will be well.

Friday, October 28, 2005

strange days...

I'm not sure what's up with me today, but I'm having words trouble. I'm normally pretty perceptive when it comes to what people mean when they talk, but on several occasions today I've found myself at a complete loss. It's weird. It's like my brain isn't computing...or some such analogy. Anyway, whatever people seem to say, I seem to not know what they're talking about...or something...I'm actually not sure but let's just say I am SO not wavelengthing with people today. Any people. Friends, family, my boss...NOT good to not be wavelengthing with one's boss I'd say lol. Well, at least I'm home - John is out (we're not wavelengthing either) and the boys don't really count - I mean half the time I don't know what they're talking about anyway lol, so it's all good. ;) I'm sure tomorrow will be better...I hope, anyway. And wavelengthing a word?? lol

Thursday, October 27, 2005

who remembers their first time??

Ha, and minds out of the gutter please and thank you! I'm talking about the first time you performed a search using a search engine lol. SearchEngineWatch has a lovely little trip down memory lane where they're asking users of their forum to try to recall the very first search they ever did - for me, I can't remember the actual search terms (although given that I was at CCIW and in Interlibrary Loans at the time it likely had something to do with fish or water or wetlands or something) but what I *do* remember is that I used Mosaic to perform that search! Ah, good times...good times.... :) Oh and sorry for those of you who thought maybe things were finally going to get a little naughty on my blog haha...don't think I'm quite ready to go there yet... ;)

In other news I can't stop eating. Not sure what's going on there lol, but I've been ravenous lately. Driving me a bit nuts, if the truth be known. Well this too shall pass, I'm sure. Perhaps I should just enjoy the ride... ;)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

peace and loss

Peaceful in here right now - the boys are asleep (well ok they're in bed) and John is out for the evening (due home in an hour or so) so it's just me and my tea for now. I learned today that one of my professors passed away this week. He was only 69, and truly one of the best profs I had during my undergraduate career at McMaster. The man lectured with zeal, passion and nearly always an ascot. :) He was one of a kind. I didn't know him well (History 3H06 was a gigantic lecture hall crammed full of RH fans) but a friend of mine did, and I am sadder for her loss.


And because I'm apparently turning into the biggest CBC groupie in the history of the station lol, I can't seem to go a day without blogging about something exciting that I learned on my way to or from work. Today is no exception, as Errol Nazareth (great name, fantastically smooth voice I could listen to him all day and wow I just had a look at his photo and mmmmm....he's hot!! lol) gave me something to add to my holiday gift list! Once Upon a Time in Wigan is ultra-cool and I'm soooo tempted to just go order it from HMV, but I'll refrain, as I need something on the list to give to John's family. lol. The play itself looks fantastic - interesting concept for sure and the music just rocks!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

swimming...and running in the rain

I left work a bit early this afternoon in order to catch Charles at swim practice. I got there just in time to see him finish one length, and then the next time it was his turn I watched the whole thing. And he was awesome. Okay...well actually he's not awesome lol. He did a bit of flailing, especially toward the end, but to me, he was incredible. He didn't give up and I could just tell that he was so proud as he pulled himself out of the pool. I caught his eye the first time round and I think he was surprised to see me there - but he gave me a big smile - the 1000-watt Charles smile - and I know he was happy that I was there to see him and take him home when practice was over.

So the rain finally did mostly let up, and so I had absolutely no excuse NOT to go for a run this evening. So I did. And it was pretty good. But I do wonder if I'll ever be able to break out of the 5 & 1 cycle. Margaret tells me there's no need to, that I could run 5 & 1s forever. But in a way I'd really like to get back to my 5km times and solid running. Commitment dear girl...I'll get there, I know it.

Best line I heard today - from "My Name is Earl" (damn I love that show!) "Never underestimate the power of 15 beers, a little enlightenment and the power of Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock" Amen, Earl... ;)


That's how I feel lately - I actually woke up singing that song this morning, so you KNOW water is on my mind! Will the rain ever stop? Yes, I know it's so much worse in other parts of North America (that Wilma really packed a punch) but the rain and the darkness is depressing. At least we gain our hour back this weekend, so I won't be leaving for work in the pitch black...of course I'll be coming home in the pitch black, won't I? Ah, but that's what you get for living in this part of the world, I guess.

And this next bit is for Ann and anyone else who enjoys CBC's Metro Morning. I was thinking a bit about what you said Ann (lol about an inhaler for Andy Barrie) and as much as I enjoy the show, it's really still Toronto radio, isn't it? What we need is the CBC in Hamilton. I know I've recently signed a petition to do just that - bring the CBC to Hamilton. And if you go here you can read a little bit more about the whole idea. And go here to add your name to the list if you think we need the CBC! Once again, as in many things, Hamilton is underrepresented, if not unrepresented. It's definitely time we had the CBC of our very own!

Gosh, I wonder if they'd need someone to run their library.....

Monday, October 24, 2005

musing on musedom...

Yesterday, on the way to pick up my mum to bring her over for supper, I caught part of an interview on CBC 1 with author Francine Prose, discussing her book The Lives of the Muses, and was completely enthralled, not only by her subject matter but also her style, wit and overall presentation. On the whole it was a sobering and fascinating discussion, but one thing that made me laugh right out loud, was her line (and I know I'll get this wrong but it went something like...) "feminism has largely destroyed musedom as a career choice..." Too funny, and as I drove I thought of how my life might have taken a different turn, had that career option been 'assigned' to me during the oh-so-useful exercise of career aptitude testing that went on in highschool. I can honestly see it "oh great, just as I suspected...Teacher, Dolphin Trainer, Firefighter and oh yes, Muse - how fabulous!" lol. Alas, I doubt that I will ever achieve musedom to the height of someone like Elizabeth Siddal or Lee Miller...although I do like to think I inspire John to do great things, even if I'm not Yoko.... :)

Sunday, October 23, 2005

such a bummer....

Okay, so I'm all bummed because the pictures I took at the Rock Hall of Fame didn't turn out. Well, the ones I took inside, anyway. And yes, I know that cameras and recording devices aren't permitted, but the security dude didn't check my bag, (we found it helpful to get all excited and go all fangirly on the guy, so he just didn't ask to see our purses....excellent...)and so I thought well hey, let's give it a try. So I took a couple up in the Tommy exhibit, but alas, no pics were developed. I even looked at the negatives and just blank space where those glorious pictures should have been. No flash = no photos. And I'm sad, because I'm normally not a rebellious museum visitor, but this was IMPORTANT. And had there been a sort of souvenir album of the Tommy stuff, I probably wouldn't have bothered trying to get illicit photos...okay, so no, yeah I would have definitely tried to AT LEAST get a picture of that fringed suit...but nothing. And I suppose it serves me right. lol. But I got two outside, showing the incredible architecture of the place, and then I got a few of the Who stuff at the Cleveland Hard Rock Cafe (Charles wanted a photo of John's bass that is on display there, and have I mentioned how freaking cool my son is?!?) and then there are the requisite shots of me and Carly in the hotel room - at various points in the weekend, with various amounts of rum in us...and DAMN we still look hot!!! ;)

So now of course I'm thinking that the exhibition is on until March...maybe I can get back there...and maybe bring another camera...and use the flash...heh...

sunday morning...

...and it's cold and wet out there in Hamilton today - blech. Still, a nice day to stay in with my coffee and listen to the rain outside, and to the intense drama unfolding in the imaginations of my two kids. They really are quite incredible in their abilities to play games with anywhere between six and eight storylines at any given time. It exhausts me just thinking about it, yet it makes me happy that their creativity seemingly knows no bounds. Still some homework to be forced upon Charles at some point today...but not yet, I think. I'm hoping that this cold that seems to be creeping into my throat, head & chest can be beaten. Lots of lemon tea and rest and zinc lozenges and with any luck I'll fix it nicely. *fingers crossed*

In other more exciting news (well I think it's exciting anyway lol) I just discovered LibraryThing and I am just geek enough to hop up and down with joy!! Wow! Imagine being able to catalogue your entire personal collection of books! Oh my gosh, I think I might need to do this! In my spare time of course... lol and I just have soooooo much of that. Still, it's a project that is not only very very cool, but socially redeeming as well. I like that it's social - with tagging a la and Lookmarks - two sites that I just adore (and rather miss having time for in my new job) I do need to start a new library blog - Jenn was asking me Friday night did I have one yet - and I don't. But I will. Just need to figure the direction of it and what sorts of things I'll blog about. I do need to get on that, don't I? Not right, not having a voice in the company - they must hear from me!! ;)

p.s. I know I still need to blog about my experience at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and I'm getting the meantime, this can be explored as a holdover for y'all... :)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

definitely not a sex symbol...

One of the questions I've been asked most frequently about my new job is not a) is the work interesting? or b) what sorts of things are you asked to do? or even c) is the pay good? No, it seems that what most people are interested in is how I am coping in a building full of men. That is what they want to know. "It must be strange working with all those men". Well, given that my last job was totally women only (until jd showed up to save the day - wooo!) I guess it's a little strange to be one of the only women on the engineering floor. So that question isn't quite as bad as "wow, aren't you uncomfortable working with all those men around?" Um...frankly, no. And while I think it's a bizarre question in a way, I started wondering why someone would even think to raise that topic, and I've come to the conclusion that I like men and I feel comfortable in their presence...always have always will. So why? Why is it that a building full of engineers doesn't scare me like it does some of the women who've been asking me about my comfort level. I think there are some obvious reasons - and anyone who's worked in a library or other area where women dominate can relate - men give you the straight goods, just the facts, let's get it out in the open and deal with it so we can move on. Women [and this is not all women of course, I am speaking only for myself from my own experiences] tend to be more manipulative, they can be catty and view other women as their competition. Men don't seem to have the hidden agenda that women do - you know, those women who want to know where you bought your shoes so they can mock you for either paying far too much for them or for being cheap because you didn't pay very much for them at all. In a lot of workplaces where the women outnumber, you just can't win.

So I'm happy in my new surroundings for those reasons, but there is also something else which I've just recently started to understand about myself. Part of my comfort can be attributed to me always having felt like one of the guys. It never occurs to me that I could be anything more than that. And see, I think this is where some of my friends were going when they asked wasn't I uncomfortable with all the men. If you feel like the guys might be checking you out, I can understand how you might feel outnumbered. But, as that never occurs to me lol, I'm good. And this doesn't, of course, mean that I think I'm completely UNattractive, but what I do think is that for the most part the guys at work will accept me and just treat me like one of them. No hidden agenda, nothing at all like that. So there you go. Definitely not a sex symbol. Suits me fine. :)

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

they're baaaaaaack!!

Well yes, ok I'm a little late on this I realise...but the CBC is back!! Hallelujah!! Gosh I missed that bunch, and don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone? [not feeling very original tonight lol] But it's just sooooo nice to drive to and from work with the CBC...I feel the smarts all coming back to me lol.

I am starting to feel the effects of working fulltime. Wow I'm tired, and I know that millions of women work fulltime and raise children but I think that at least I can be allowed one post to vent about it lol. I love my job, it's just fantastic, if a bit crazy at times like it was today. And I love and adore my children and am (of course) committed to them (and hopefully not soon committed by them but you never know lol) but the two are colliding a bit. So I won't complain again, because all parts of my life are good. But I did need to admit that. :)

And speaking of admitting things, John has decided that he's considering a tattoo. I have to say - wow - I was shocked. My conservative husband. But it's cool, and I'm thinking a Cottage 13 gift certificate for Christmas is in order. Woo!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

about me indeed...

I'm always so impressed to see what people have on the "about me" sections of their blogs. I am at a loss, I've never been good at describing myself - always hated the "tell me a little bit about yourself" question at job interviews - ugh. My current job didn't have that question - perhaps that's why they hired me lol. So maybe I need to think long and hard about it, and then I can put up a little bit about me. Maybe once I figure out who I am? Hmmm...

So when I logged on tonight (for the second time - I am a busy little blogging beaver today!) there, under "Blogs of Note" was the Boy Who Heard Music I've not yet spent much time reading Pete's blog/novella, and I should and I will. I've read some of the comments, and I find it fascinating how blogging begets blogging, and as you go through the comments and the profiles, before you know it you're deep into someone else's blog, finding their thoughts and daily musings interesting, and learning from them. Which makes me think that perhaps someone *might* find my blog interesting. Who knows. As of now, there are only two people with the url, so we shall see. It took me awhile to hand out the information, didn't it?? ;) And it's only to people I trust (which is why I don't often comment on blogs, because then your profile and blog are there for everyone to see, and I'm not ready for that quite yet)

So there's something for the "about me" bit - not ready to share my thoughts with the world... hee...

...until the twelfth of never, and that's a long, long time

Two years ago tonight. What was I doing? Watching and waiting as my dad, my hero breathed on his own during his last night ever. I've found myself reliving that night the past few days and the pain and the grief just come in waves. I'm thankful for my solitary job, where my swollen eyes aren't noticed - buncha engineers, what do they know?? ;) hee... But reliving that night, it's unbelievable how the details are so clear in my mind, that all the times are exact and everything down to what the nurses were wearing and how many times we checked on him are still in my head. I know it will get better, it's already better than last year, and next year will be easier, but never ever will the pain go away.

You ask how long I'll love you
I'll tell you true
Until the Twelfth of Never
I'll still be loving you...

[one of the songs my dad used to sing to me at bedtime when I was little]

Sunday, October 16, 2005

From you, I get the story....

I'm just back from Cleveland and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame & Museum. I thought I would come home to make a fabulously witty and insightful post about how great it was, what fun I had and on and on....and it was...and I did...but I can't yet begin to go into the detail of the effect some of the exhibits had on intense some of the emotions were and how incredible some of the feelings felt. It really was one of the most amazing places I have ever been. Carly and I had SUCH a good time, and defied almost all the rules, like good Who Grrls LOL But I will make a more coherent and insightful entry at a later date...I just need some time to figure it all out and process it into something that I can write about... Soon... I certainly can't leave it too long, it's too current and too close to the needs to come out but I think it needs a day or so yet...

I will say now though, that our hotel was great, the portable DVD player was beyond fun (so much Roger so little time LOL); that my wonderful friend Carly is one of the most amazing women I have ever had the privilege to know, and one of the greatest friends I could ever hope to have. Just absolutely an incredibly fun time...yet the stuff from the Hall of Fame will have to wait until I'm 1) less tired and 2) less emotional. I just was not prepared for the range of emotions, so I will approach it in another post...

Thursday, October 06, 2005


A mod for your pocket?? Haha, no, but this is just about as cool. Jenn from the BRAIN_blog *gets all nostalgic* featured the PocketMod recently, and although I haven't tried it out yet, I have to say it's extremely intriguing! Highly low-tech of course, but that just adds to its retro-chic charm. I will have to create one and check back in with the entire scoop at a later date...

So what else is new? Not much, but I'm off to yoga tonight, which excites me as it always does. And yeah, feeling a little stiff after my run the other night, so a gooooooood stretch is in order - definitely!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

run, run, run....

I'm back running! :) And yes, I guess I was before now, but this time was fantastic - still my little run 5min walk 1min series, but I felt the best I'd felt in a very long time so it was really great! Now that I'm no longer doing the stair climb to work, I need to get back in the habit of running in the evenings. It's dark though - and yes fellow bloggers, I know it's not a good idea for women to run at night - but how about I keep to the main streets where it's well-populated and very well-lit? I'm never nervous running in the evenings actually - maybe it's cos I can run SO fast no one could catch me hahaha! Okay, yeah, that's got to be it...heh...

In other blogging news, this article caught my eye at work today. A sort of primer on blogging, which is timely I think, as all sorts of famous people like this guy are jumping into the blogosphere! It's cool to see Pete giving blogging a go - he's just a cutting edge kind of guy - although I would argue that the blog isn't *quite* the edge it was last year BUT it's still neat to see him connect with others in this type of forum. Blog on, Pete!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

sittin' on the dock...

...of Laura's cottage! Ah, yes that's what I did pretty much all weekend. Nothing like a girls' weekend to give you a fresh perspective on life, family and all the important things. We had a lovely time as we always do when we're together. There are very few people that I can spend considerable amounts of time with and still be wanting more.

Strange emotions though, and I think just due to the time of year - leaves start falling, changes in the weather and I'm taken right back to fall 2003, the worst few months of my life. Just some spontaneous tears, not even sure where they came from. It shocked me, there is usually a trigger, something that I can point to and say "that set me off". This time I'm not sure - and I probably could figure it out eventually, but I honestly think I can accept the fact that there will always be something to trigger the flood of emotions & memories. And figuring it out - it's not like it would help to know - and it's not like I could stop it even if I wanted to. The emotions are good, they're healing and I welcome them.
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